Better to Have Loved and Lost: Tennyson, Courage and Values-Guided Action

“’Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”— Alfred, Lord Tennyson

On October 6 1892, one of the great romantic poets, Alfred Lord Tennyson died. Tennyson was a writer whose words continue to speak across centuries. Few lines in English literature have captured the human condition as succinctly and courageously as this one.

Much like today, he lived and worked in a world of uncertainty and change and he understood  the paradox that life’s deepest meaning is often found when we face uncertainty and confront our own vulnerability. To love, to hope, to care — all of these carry the risk of loss. But without them, we risk something greater: a life half-lived.

The psychology behind Tennyson’s wisdom

Modern psychology echoes what Tennyson knew intuitively. Growth, connection, and fulfilment come not from avoidance, but from opening ourselves to experience — even when the experience is uncomfortable. Because the gold lies in getting beyond the discomfort and still doing the things that really matter.

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), this is known as values-guided action. Rather than trying to eliminate uncomfortable thoughts or emotions, ACT encourages us to notice them, make room for them, and still move toward what truly matters.

Whether it’s leading a team through change, rebuilding confidence after setbacks, or staying aligned with purpose amid pressure, this cultivation of psychological flexibility helps people act with courage and clarity — not in spite of emotion, but alongside it.

Love, loss, and the courage to act

Tennyson’s line reminds us that living fully means risking deeply. It’s about recognising that pain is the price of caring, and that courage isn’t the absence of fear — it’s the decision to keep moving in the direction of what matters.

At Bonmotus, this principle sits at the core of our Mind To ACTion™ training. We help individuals and teams develop the awareness, resilience and psychological flexibility to act in line with their values — even when the path ahead is uncertain.

Because meaning isn’t found in avoiding discomfort. It’s found in the actions we take in the service of what truly matters — relationships, integrity, compassion, growth, and purpose.

A timeless message for modern workplaces

In a world of constant change, Tennyson’s insight feels more relevant than ever. To “have loved and lost” might not just speak to romantic love, but to the courage to care — to commit, to create, to contribute.

For leaders, teams, and organisations, that courage translates into psychological safety, emotional intelligence, and authentic engagement — the foundations of thriving workplaces.

At Bonmotus, we help people move from mind to action — to act with purpose, resilience and authenticity, even when it’s hard.

Because growth lives on the other side of risk.