Relational Frame Theory (RFT) and Why I am Arguing with Cakes?

Image by Suissgirl on Pixabay

I had an argument with a slice of cake last weekend. Yes, that's right, cake. I took a day trip to the coast, sun shining, salty air, the sea shimmering blue and silver – all very pleasant until around coffee time when I ordered a black Americano and my eyes fell on the inviting, delicious, irresistible rocky road.  

The argument was a private, internal “I deserve this” vs. “I’ll regret this” exchange.  Although no-one else was aware of it, my guess is that most of you will recognise this type of hidden conversation.  If you do, then welcome to the world of Relational Frame Theory—RFT for short.

RFT is essentially one big continuous networking event for language and thoughts except this event has no end and no off button.  Let me explain: instead of just knowing words like “good” and “bad,” being clever, we humans have just got to go a step further. We network them by connecting them in infinite ways: “ice cream is better than beetroot,” “Failure means I'm useless,” or “If I’m not perfect, I’m a disappointment.” We link, compare, judge, and predict—all through something called relational frames. These mental links are powerful. Sometimes helpful, for example, this ability allows us to learn about stuff without having direct experience of it. But sometimes it’s not helpful, and at other times it’s just plain exhausting. I’m afraid that’s the deal for us humans. We don’t get to cherry-pick the good stuff.

But do not despair. This is where Mind To ACTion, the flagship training program from Bonmotus Limited, comes in – light on touch but heavy on evidence. Designed to help people handle the sticky thoughts, emotional landmines, and inner critics that come with being human but which can get in the way of effective decision making at work and in every other aspect of life.  Mind To ACTion uses the science of RFT to cultivate psychological flexibility—one frame at a time.

So how does it work?

Let’s say your brain loves the “If I fail then I’m a failure” narrative. Classic relational framing. Classic mental networking. You’ve connected performance to identity. Mind To ACTion doesn’t swoop in and say, “hey mind, start thinking positively” or “develop a positive mind-set” —because let’s be honest, if it was that easy, it would have worked before now and we would all be doing it.  The great paradox of human thinking is that the more we don’t want to think about something – the more we’ll think about it. Try it and see for yourself.

Instead, Mind To ACTion skills help you notice the thought, unhook from it, and create the opportunity to bring your actions, choices and behaviours into line with your personally chosen values. This way you step away from the mental battlefield and start doing more of the things that say something about the life that you want to live and the person that you want to be.

Our training program teaches people how to be more aware of these relational processes. Instead of being dragged around by every thought like a dog on a leash, participants learn how to hold their thoughts lightly, see them as passing events, and choose behaviour that actually matters to them. In the workplace this means that your more resilient, effective and productive with the added secondary benefit of being less stressed.

What makes it fun? Mind To ACTion isn’t about lectures or dusty theory. It’s interactive, experiential, and—brace yourself—often involves laughter.

At its core, Mind To ACTion is rooted in Acceptance and Commitment Training (ACT)—a real-world application of RFT. It’s not about changing what you think, but changing your relationship to what you think. And in doing so, you reclaim your ability to respond rather than react.

So whether you’re a CEO with imposter syndrome, a teacher juggling flaming responsibilities, or just someone who’d like to stop arguing with cakes, Mind To ACTion has tools for you.